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The “Mostly Meats and Booze” fest is officially over and there’s just not enough room in cyberspace to recount the glorious day I’ve had…

Posted by Ellis on Friday, November 28th, 2008

People think I’m exaggerating here when I call my family dysfunctional.  I really am exaggerating, though – because we’re strange, but not really dysfunctional – I think we enjoy the dysfunctionality – if that’s a word – it’s amusing.  Yes, my parents are divorced, but they get along (for now since my mom has decided to throw the gauntlet or something and has declared that she’s “taking a holiday back because your dad can’t get you for both holidays!” and my brother and I are 37 and 33 so I’m proposing having over either one of the current family court judges or the retired one whose wife is mom’s best friend and we can mediate this thing peacefully and I’ll videotape it just for ridiculousness’ sake) – Back to the point!  Jeez!

I went to Thanksgiving dinner – my stepbrother is now napping on my mother’s couch – that means that he’s napping on his stepfather’s ex-wife’s couch.  Following now?  It’s fine – it’s just when you say it out loud that you realize it may be considered weird.

This town is too small.

So, first, I go to the “Mostly Meats and Booze” fest and I’m late since my two stepbrothers and one’s wife show up early, and I’m ticked off because my keys were misplaced yesterday when my nephew used them to get his coat out of my car and it took me 15 minutes to find the keys today so I decided to bypass the champagne portion of the “Mostly Meats and Booze” Thanksgiving Extravaganza and skip directly to the Crown Royal portion of the day.

There was a lot of drinking.  We ran out of ginger ale.  It’s never the booze running out that’s the problem – it’s always the mixers!  Hey, here’s a picture of the liquor “cabinet”:

My dad is nothing if not prepared, although, as I’ve said before, he could buy a few extra mixers…

Hey, for dinner, it was a little bit of a disappointment – no ham salad, no ham, no fried turkey.  I forgot that the mother of the Mostly Meats and Booze celebrations is Christmas since Dad’s office Christmas party is a couple of days before so we get all those leftovers plus regular dinner!  Anyway, we still had lamb, barbecue and turkey, plus butter beans and squash casserole which I don’t count as a vegetable since anything called “casserole” is just creepy because there’s no telling what’s in it!

So the dinner was eventually over and one of my stepbrothers and I went to the local watering hole and had some of this:

Then we had some other crap and now he’s taking a breather on his stepfather’s ex-wife’s couch!

I have other stories from today but I think I need to really think about the big picture here - I already read an email from JFE that I made her send me from the watering hole about people smelling bad because they smell like soap – plus there are all sorts of jokes I can come up with about my stepbrother (my favorite sb since I apparently made that deal today and now I have to refer to him as that – Jesus, I have no idea what’s going on at this point as I’m still reeling from the announcement that the CIA is bugging someone’s house!)  Seriously, though, he’s a good egg, and actually recognizes the ridiculousness of it all… 

I have to get to work on the jokes now…

Filed in Miscellaneous Crap | 2 responses so far

2 Responses to “The “Mostly Meats and Booze” fest is officially over and there’s just not enough room in cyberspace to recount the glorious day I’ve had…”

  1. RYErneston 30 Nov 2008 at 8:05 am 1

    Nice post u have here :D Added to my RSS reader

  2. [...] So here we are.  26 years after the divorce decree, with an invite from Dad to go to his “Mostly Meats and Booze-fest” over at his house with my stepbrothers, one wife and a new baby, plus my stepmother, or the [...]