Defensive Gardening

Trying to Garden Peacefully While Battling an Army of Psychotic Squirrels Plus Other Random Thoughts

Update on the county dumps – I just live in another world

Posted by Ellis on Friday, July 18th, 2008

So I talked to my brother tonight to ask him if he could come over to my house tomorrow with his trailer so as to haul off useless knick knacks and other crap that I want to throw away – I am thisclose to totally ruling out a garage sale as I don’t want to get up that early.  Since my brother LOVES the dump – more on that later – and since my offer of payment was the extended loan of the antique ice chest in my dining room that he’s been coveting that my parents got a million years ago, he graciously agreed to help.  I also offered his wife the opportunity to come over and pick out something special amongst my crap (anything but my John Lennon prints) - and a lamp or two that our uncle made – on extended loan, of course – that’s the way we do things in our family…

Back to the dump…  My brother says that his favorite one is the one near Timrod Elementary.  When I was explaining about how I didn’t want to go back to any of the three I’ve visited, the TV incident, etc. (plus the fact that I have more TVs to go – thanks to that storm – plus an inordinate amount of VCRs – it’s like an electronics graveyard), he told me about his favorite dump.  I told him that was the one where the man yelled at me and wanted to rummage through my trash bags.  He said, “Well, he just must not know you.”  

What?  Of COURSE he doesn’t know me!  I don’t go to the dump!  EVER!  I don’t understand it!  It’s confusing!  I don’t know where to put anything and there is no guidebook (which would be very useful)!  Jeez!  My brother says that when he drives up, he just chats up the guy, the guy tells him where the good stuff is, my brother throws his stuff away and then scavenges the good stuff with the old guy’s approval and assistance.  I don’t want anyone else’s crap, got enough of my own, but I wouldn’t mind a helpful dump employee now and again.  God, I hope I never have to go back to the dump.  (Although I am going to do a ride-by and take pictures to add to the blog for more illustration.)

Here are helpful tips from Alan on your trip to the dump as interpreted by me:

  1. When you go to the dump, be prepared to explain to the dump monitor what you are dumping – do it with authority – no hesitation.
  2. After you have been to the dump (the same one) a few times, start chatting up the dump monitor and create a relationship.
  3. After you have created a relationship with the dump monitor, you will gain a better understanding of the entire process.  Here are some explanations:  “Electronics” – self-explanatory.  “Scrap Metal” – appliances that are not considered electronics (I know, not very helpful), and other metal objects.  “Brown Goods” – my friend J says these are things that break down over time – which doesn’t explain the mattress and box springs – my brother says brown goods are furniture “and stuff”.  “Household Waste but not cardboard” – kitchen trash that has been sorted and the recyclable materials have been taken out – oh, and no cardboard.  “Bulk Waste” is trash that has not been sorted – so basically all the crap I threw in to “Household Waste but not cardboard” should have been thrown in to “Bulk Waste.”  
  4. After you have taken your relationship with the dump monitor to the next level – usually after a month or two of regular visits and chatting up, maybe take him a coffee cake (I hope that is all it takes), you are promoted to the mysterious “VIP membership level” of the dump. 

    This is an honor that is rarely handed out, but I am very proud to say that my little brother is a “Florence County Dump VIP.”  He is entitled to special privileges that the rest of us do not have.  It is a very secret society and I truly hope that Alan doesn’t get in too much trouble for telling me about this club.  He didn’t tell me too much – I don’t know what the secret handshake is and I don’t know if they have a monthly social or anything, but he did tell me that now that he has entered the hallowed halls of the secret dump society, he is treated like a king!  When he arrives at the dump, the dump monitor immediately approaches his vehicle to tell him what semi-working electronics have been dropped off recently and of other treasures he may want to take home to fix or just to take home to take up space in his workshop rather than the dump or landfill.  STOP!Wait a minute!  I think I understand this secret society now and maybe it shouldn’t be such a secret!  Maybe it’s not really a secret society, but dump monitors are trying to save the environment by reducing the amount of trash that goes to the landfill!  And they do this by “redirecting” the trash to packrats and handymen like my brother!  Alan will take a TV or computer monitor home with him and fix it and use it – thereby reducing the amount of trash in the landfill – like a one-man Greenpeace!  I think I get it now, but this “plan” is not being executed very effectively.

    Yeah, I’m sure it’s not a plan and they really are in a secret club, but if the right person infiltrated the club and got them to open up the membership, the amount of trash sent to the landfill could possibly be reduced.  I’m just saying!

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